Eleven months into this chapter of my life without Anna, It still feels so surreal.
I try to put into thoughts where I am along this journey, I think of an angry ocean, I am trapped in that ocean struggling to keep my strength and holding my breath until each wave subsides.
For just a little while the water is calm, I take a gasp of air and prepare myself for the next wave knowing that the fight is far from over.
I fight for survival for I know Anna would want me to reach those peaceful waters where my body and spirit could be renewed.
I dream of that sun-drenched meadow that we both loved, where only the flowers and the rustling of the trees occupied our senses and the aroma of a wattle tree somewhere in the distance drifted in the air.
A perfect place where heaven and earth seem to meet and where I can imagine that at least for a moment I could reach out and touch Anna again and hear the sound of her voice.
But in spite of all the images I have around me, her voice and her touch evade me.
I read one of the letters that Anna wrote to me so many years ago and as I read, once again it feels as though she is by my side, encouraging me and driving me on.
I wrote of so many far away places and the harsh beauty that surrounded me.
While she in turn wrote many letters to me, to give me comfort and strength.
And I made a solemn promise to her that one day if she wished she too could marvel at contrasts of this seemingly hostile and beautiful country.
In later years we fulfilled this shared dream and it’s out of those dreams that all of thesee images arose.
A time to Pause , a time to remember how far we travellled in this shared journey together.
At the end of this chapter as “WE” , I now wonder what this future holds.
I am filled with fear and longing, as this new chapter as “I” unfolds.
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